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01/28/2003 Entry: "Taxes...Irs...who?"
Today has been a long day...why? Because I have spent the entire day elbow deep in paperwork and information about filing taxes as a LLC. Just to be very clear--here's how I am feeling:
    
I know I feel better now. Okay I admit, reading too much information published via the IRS leaves you feeling a little  ! I am in a quandry. I am trying to decide whether to renew all of my business stuff or not. I am half hearted at the moment...I think I have made something that was very simple become not simple by trying to make money from it. Well, okay...I admit it (DAD!) that I really haven't "tried" to make money from it  In fact, I have been so successful at not making money on it by not trying to make money on it that I have LOST money. It's a gift I know 
Okay smilies aside--I actually think the reason why I have not been "successful" by traditional standards of the word with my "business" is because I am not a "business" sorta person.  But rather I am a "ministry" sort of person who wants to do great and big and wonderful things for everyone in the name of God so they will feel a little touch of how wonderful knowing God can be. So they can feel a touch of the Lord in their lives...so that "they" whoever "they" are will see that God gives people a generous spirit that makes them want to reach out to other people and fix their needs. I like being a minister not a money maker...is that wrong? 
~sigh~ Well, I do have a whole ton of wonderful things I would like to focus my attention on that I know would glorify God. In fact, this business thing is holding me back...making me put my attention on it rather than the things that are pulling passionately at my heart. I suppose I found my answer huh?  I guess sometimes God puts the answer there...and He shows it to us over and over again and we ignore it because we convince ourselves that that's our answer instead of HIS answer. I feel pretty sure that this is God's answer.
The good news? Well, I won't have to pay a fortune to renew all of my licenses--and I won't have to stress over filing form 1065 and k-1's and amortization and depreciation and any of that stuff next year...and I won't feel the burden of doing things "just right" for the sake of being a good "business woman". I'll be able to focus on the things my heart wants to do whether they are going to be a good financial investment or not--and I can stop stressing over not being "successful"...
The bad news is--I feel a little sad over "closing shop"...in alot of ways I did this for me...it was "my" thing even though dh was listed as my partner. It was cool to tell people I owned my own business--even cooler to see it in writing. I know dh was so proud to tell people that his wife did this. Shoot, who am I kidding I loved that. Plus I felt like I was "doing" something big...I don't know what that is, because you know *I* know better than anyone that what *I* truly do on a day to day basis is the hardest job anyone could do...and I know in the Kingdom of God it is the most blessed thing I could do too! It really isn't that. I dunno how to explain it but I guess the best way would be to say that this was something that was MINE. That's it...mine.
I have decided just this second that making this decision under the fog of 200 back and front printed pages of IRS mumbo jumbo might not be the best decision. How about after I talk to the IRS and the Department of Revenue tomorrow afternoon I decide whether I like being True Light Creations LLC or not.   
Just for the record, do ya'll remember back in high school when your professor told you to do a "free thought" essay where you just started writing and didn't stop just let your emotions and thoughts just flow? This entry is a lot like that. I have a whole bunch of very conflicting feelings right now--and really unlike so many things in life--this decision rests solely upon my shoulders. Now anyone who knows me knows I have a hard time deciding where we will eat lunch at  (MOM!!  ) Let alone something this monumental! Please pray for me if you will...
Thanks! I love you very much!
~A
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